Thankful for Life’s little Throw backs…

"Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot."
-Charlie Chaplin

That quote seems to sum up my life right about now. I know another saying that goes something along the lines of; it always gets harder before it gets easier. I think we have been hitting pretty close to the bottom, and I am ready to come back up. I keep telling myself there has to be something out there for us; we just need to find it. And, anyone who knows me knows I have absolutely NO patience. It's bad. As soon as we have something figured it gets shot down. Just when I get my hopes up. I have tried praying, searching, and looking for guidance. Hopefully one day things will all come together again. Jared and I laugh because I will be bawling and he will look at me and tell me everything is ok. I trust him; I just don't know where the hell he is finding these answers! I would like to know. I am trusting my instincts and trying to feel ok. My heart hurts because I know how hard Jared has been working to get us where we want to be, it's just not falling into place like we have been hoping and praying for. These past 6 months, we have dealt with a lot of set-backs. We currently are searching for work down in the Herriman area. We keep getting really close, and then it all falls apart again. We are taking one more shot, and then we will figure out a different plan of action to take.

"In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back."
-Charlie Brown

I went on a search for quotes, and I definitely found what I was looking for. (And then some.) I'm trying to cope with many issues right now, and I honestly don't know where to begin. I have wanted to find something to make me feel secure, better about myself, kick out my insecurities, and be myself again. Maybe it's the post pregnancy hormones. You would think after 6 month, they would be gone. I have no idea. As I keep searching, I have found that life is all but what we make it. I don't want to feel all these feelings that I am feeling, but I am only human. I want what others have, I get jealous, and I want things that are not important in life. I need to realize what an AWESOME husband I have, and adorable baby that lights up my world. But for whatever reason, these feelings get built up on top of what's really important and bring me down. I guess life would be easier if we received all the answers. For now, I will be thankful for what I have. My family. My life. My health.

"Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint you can on it."
-Danny Kaye

I felt like since we got married, our canvas has been COVERED in color. We have gone through so many obstacles in the first year. I do not regret anything that has happened. I have always felt like everything happens for a reason, and we might not know the reason now, but we may later on. I have had my best friend by my side the entire time, and I can honestly say we have never fought about anything. I am not sure really why, not that I am complaining, but I always hear about the couples who the first year was the hardest, and some that never make it past the first year. I am so VERY grateful that I have a wonderful guy by my side. We can always laugh out of a crappy situation.

"No matter how qualified or deserving we are, we will never reach a better life until we can imagine it for ourselves and allow ourselves to have it."
-Richard Bach

"Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life."
-Herbert Otto

I think these two quotes go hand in hand. We need to take risks to get places in life, we need to reach out and strive for a better life or we won't get there. If only the risks didn't give me such a huge panic attack! Lol I get the worst anxiety when Jared wants to take all these huge risks. I need to calm down and trust his judgment. I mean, we can't get any worse off than we are now, right? Just kidding.

"Where there is love there is life."
-Indira Gandhi

This is the quote that I have basically sort of stolen and ran with. It's in my house. It reminds me to love every day. My family is what I love, and that is where my life is at. With my family. Nothing else is important.

I originally was going to write everything I was thankful for since Thanksgiving is coming up, but for some reason I have always felt like it was so cheesy. I want to remember this time that we are struggling, so I can look back and laugh. So I can smile because I have my son and my husband. So I can remember, during this time, what I have been thankful for. I could go on and on and list a million things, but that wouldn't really reflect on what I am currently thankful for. And I couldn't ask for anything better. I am actually grateful to be in our crappy situation. It has made us a stronger couple and a stronger little family. Having nothing, has made us stronger. It just goes to show that we don't need "things" in our lives to make us happy. Family is what makes us happy.

Sorry, such a long post, for the answer I was searching for. I needed to take a step back and realize everything. And this post has helped me. I love my little family more than anything. I would do anything for them. Always and Forever!